Sketches and Scribbling

Latte Art

2006-10-02T18:01:00.000-07:00

I have a new goal--to learn how to do latte art. While Brandon and I were in Wyoming, we went to a great health food store/coffee shop that served amazing lattes. I had a heart in mine, Brandon had a smiley-face. Another cafe we visited provided even cooler lattes--this time with the intricate leaf patterns. I am so jealous! I want to learn how to do this!

I will have to practice at work....and try not to waste too much milk and espresso in the process. It is just so cool!

(pic taken from flickr.com)

Time waits for no man...

2006-09-22T18:13:00.000-07:00

This week has been crazy, coming back to work after being gone for a few days. It's always crazy, but this time, it was different. Tuesday morning, I came in and got the message that one of my team members was unable to work that day because his dad had been taken to the emergency room via ambulance that morning. A few hours later, he called in to tell me that his dad didn't make it. 20 lbs. of rocks in my stomach instantly. Tonight was the funeral. One of his friends came in to Caribou today and told me that the whole family is in shock.

Can you imagine? What would you do if someone you loved didn't wake up? I can only try to imagine the depth of loss I would feel. It would be horrifying to replay the last conversation I might have had with that person. And, at that point, you can do nothing to change it.

Death can be so jarring. Time really does not wait for us to have the perfect last words or the ability to say things that we have wanted to say for a long time and haven't. Maybe death's jarring is to remind the living of their mortality, of the fact that time will not wait for them.

Another Recommendation

2006-09-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

So, it's been forever since my last post, and I am realizing that this post is going to be very similar to the last...but, it is what it is.
I just finished reading Anne Lamott's book 'Traveling Mercies'. I started it last night and finished page 272 this morning. Really, it was that good. Sometimes, reading someone else's thoughts makes you feel more alive, more normal, more able to face the world and all of its music. This is definitely one of those books. Her honesty and ability to create word pictures had me laughing and crying and smiling and thinking. I loved this book, and will probably try to read it again months from now, to remind me of the simple truths about life and God that are contained within the pages. Anne's thoughts on grief and grace are especially profound.

Read it. It's that good.

Back to the Books

2006-08-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

So, I've decided to get back into the world of reading. After detoxing from all of the crazy reading required to obtain a Bachelor's degree, it was time to head back to a hobby I love.
This book is kicking my butt...in a good way. I am only about halfway through, but already I have been convicted and challenged in ways that are uncomfortable but awesome.
So, read this book. Thanks to Tory Dolan for recommending this to me. It is rocking my world.

Just Across the Border

2006-07-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

To Love is To Serve

2006-07-17T19:11:00.000-07:00

Brandon and I just got back from Mexico last night. What an amazing trip! I am still processing all that I saw and did and learned last week. There is so much, and my heart is at a very healthy state of unrest as I seek what God wants me to do with all of this.

'To Love is To Serve' is the mantra for Mission Discovery, the organization who sent us out. They have a great camp in Texas, right across the border from Mexico. Each day (Tuesday-Friday), we were all bussed into Reynosa, Mexico, and area of great poverty. Shantytowns are everywhere. It is crazy that less than 30 miles away are all of the usual American amentities....Home Depot, Olive Garden, Target, etc.

The images of the children and adults of the community we served in are burned in my mind. Each of our 4 teams of middle schoolers and adult leaders built a house....a house that is 12 ft. by 16 ft. To us, it looked like a shed, to the families receiving it, it looked like a luxury home. Most houses in the colonia community were made of scrap metal or wood with tin roofs. We experienced a variety of bathroom facilities, most being crude outhouses.

My group's family was an older couple--Patricia and Alfonso. They are beautiful, gracious people. Alfonso would leave each day, just after we arrived, to go into town to try and sell natural fruit juice snow cones. He had a bike with a cart attached, displaying large jars of homemade juices. Patricia was amazing. Most days, she would sit and watch us build her new home.
It was an amazing, humbling blessing when we arrived at our work site on Thursday morning and the aroma of authentic Mexican food came wafting down the gravel road. She cooked tortillas with beans and meat for us that day. The next day she cooked for us again. We're not talking Taco Bell here, folks....this was the real thing, and man, was it good. This family who has next to nothing was so generous and gracious to us.

God's beauty was so evident to me in that place. In a place that looked so dirty and sad and empty, I found so much joy, love, grace, and beauty that became increasingly clear each day we were there. There is something so beautiful about those who are poor. They display such genuine joy and emotion, and their priorities are not based on what they have (or don't have). I am learning so much from them. We were filthy and sweaty after spending days in 100+ degrees, stained with dirt, paint, and tar. But, we were loved and experiencing the joy of loving and serving....and I felt better than I do most days that I get out of the shower in the suburbs.

The children were wonderful. We each got to spend one day at the VBS at the colonia church. I jump roped and hula hooped, I made crowns and listened to Bible stories in Spanish with these children. They were so precious.

And, today, I went back to work in the world of retail. It is a struggle to re-enter, and I am still dealing with the contradiction that I feel in being in an environment where wealth and over-spending abound. What does this all mean? How do I live responsibly and wisely in light of what I have seen and learned?

Pics and more thoughts to come....

Waking Up

2006-06-18T14:15:00.000-07:00

I love middle school students. Yesterday, I got the chance to go and visit Brandon and the Elmbrook Middle School group who were at Wheaton College for a conference. I got to make a collage with them, be taught with them, serve at a rehab warehouse with them, and just spend time with them. As I walked around yesterday, I really felt alive and awake in a way that I haven't for a long while. Part of it was the nostalgia and comfort that comes in being at Wheaton, and in seeing people I love. But, a very large part was these middle schoolers.

They have an innocent way at approaching life and sprituality. They'll do crazy skits to act out parables in the Bible, even if they look really silly doing it. They'll try new methods of worship....because they can. They'll play soccer walking around like crabs. Their hearts are still moved by the stories of people they don't know. They are awake and alive in incredible ways as they walk the fine line between childhood and adulthood.

I'm excited for the Mexico trip that is coming up in just a few weeks...excited to continue waking up with these kids.

Visiting Elmo

2006-06-03T09:22:00.000-07:00

This is Elmo....aka Christian Becker. Brandon and I have had fun getting to take random trips to visit friends and family over the last month or so. We visited Christian (who is cute even without his Elmo costume), his new little sister Anna, and his parents Dave and Staci in Iowa. It was a great time to relax and reconnect with them. We love having friends that we can pick up where we left off, even if it's been awhile.
We also got to surprise Brandon's mom for Mother's Day. It was a great surprise, and really fun to be able to see Cory, Vicky, and Ainzley, too.
Yay for fun random trips!

Season Finales

2006-05-16T19:27:00.000-07:00

True confession: I have cried on the couch in our basement for several nights in a row....about the ending of a few of my favorite shows. Seriously, Gilmore Girls, Grey's Anatomy, and even Desperate Housewives. It's amazing what a lack of papers to write or classes to go to can do to someone. I seriously get so emotional about this stuff. I am officially crazy.

Interruptions

2006-04-26T21:27:00.000-07:00

Something happened at work tonight that is really making me think. A fellow member of our team had a family emergency spring up while they were on their shift. They had to leave to take care of this emergency, as they should have, and as I would have, had I been in that situation. However, company policy does not allow for such a quick exit, such an interruption to the shift. One must find a replacement, blah, blah, blah.

Now, I understand and respect the reasons behind this policy (believe me, I do). But, it made me think about the fact that this is just one example of our society's tendency to not plan to be interrupted. Am I interruptible? Do I plan to have unplanned events occur in my life? They always do and always will. And, what is more, isn't it in these interruptions that the real 'stuff' of life is found? Rarely is true, vibrant life found in the routine, the mundane. It is, instead, in these unplanned 'inconveniences' that I find myself surprised by the depths of emotion or growth or other important life lessons.

Lord, make me interruptible.

Francis Fashion

2006-03-23T13:52:00.000-08:00

Yes, our dog is wearing clothes. I could have gotten the matching polo at the Gap, but I decided that people worry enough about our relationship with our dog.
Isn't she cute, though?

Of Yellow Balloons

2006-03-20T13:16:00.000-08:00

Wow. Is there really much else to say after going to the Coldplay concert at the Bradley Center? Amazing music, amazing graphics, video, lights, and overall artistry. Complete with huge yellow glitter-filled balloons falling from the ceiling during "Yellow" and songs from Johnny Cash...an amazing example of artists who understand their work enough to invite others in to participate. Crazy good.
(Photo taken from official band site)

100

2006-02-19T07:43:00.000-08:00

Inspired by Jerica's post, I will attempt to answer her question....So, here we go....100 things I love, organized by letter.

anthropolgie (the store)
almond-vanilla lattes
answers to prayer
afternoons with a friend
apple jolly ranchers
amelie (the movie, the name)
band
brownies
being barefoot
babies
brown eyes
bells
black and white photos
ben and jerry's
cities
coffee shops
candid photos
carbohydrates
cinnamon-sugar toast
crayons
callalillies
chinese food
cross-country skiiing
cheesecake
creative pals
dance performances
daisies
dip (cheese, artichoke, veggie, etc.)
dressing up
dollops of whipped cream or froth
desperate housewives
ends of the bread
emergency ice cream runs
enduring friendships
engagement stories
francis, my puppy
french silk pie
finding lost things
fireflies
full tanks of gas
fleece
going home
gifts
godiva chocolate
grandparents
God
high thread count sheets
helping people
harry potter
hugs
hondas
ice cream
interruptions to awkward conversations
italian food
international accents
iMacs
jamba juice
jumping on the trampoline
jokes on Laffy Taffy wrappers
just married signs
kisses
kids
kenya AA coffee
limes
long talks
lemonade stands
lavendar-vanilla scented dryer sheets
laughing when you shouldn't
music without words
mustard pretzels
massages
nutmeg
new clothes
nice people who have no reason to be nice to you
overstuffed pillows
old friends and out-of-the blue phone calls
opening presents and mail
old people
oberweis
piano music
pie crust
rice-a-roni
rainbows
random thoughts
raspberries
scrapbooking
swings
sandals
swimming pools
stir fry
sparkling cider/grape juice
showers that don't have to be rushed
thunder
trees in the fall
target
understanding glances
underwear that matches the rest of your clothes
winning a card game
wintergreen gum
zip-hoodies

And, I've decided that there are way too many people that I would want to list here....so, I stuck to the generalities. :)

Does your mother know you talk like that?

2006-02-06T18:34:00.000-08:00

Dear men (especially those who are 30+),

Recently, it has come to my attention that is apparently a widespread belief that you have the right to say whatever is on your mind to women of any age. Particularly disturbing are those of you who are clearly married, or clearly at least 30 years older than the woman you are addressing...When you make jokes including rude, insensitive, crude, and lewd language this is, in a word, repulsive. Instead of appearing the macho man you might be hoping to convey, you do nothing but characterize yourself as one with no real respect for women.

Do you think that it is appropriate for you to make sexual jokes to women simply because we are serving you from behind the counter? Or, as I fear, do you grace the females in all public arenas with such behavior? I assure you that though you may think that you are flattering us, or paying us an offhanded compliment, we feel nothing of the sort. Instead, we find ourselves wanting to hide under the counter, then promptly feel the desire to take a shower to wash the poke, joke, or comment away.

Do not mistake our blushing for a sign of well-placed flattery--it is in these moments, you can be absolutely sure, that we especially long for a man to rescue us from such characters.

One final question: Do your mothers know you talk this way?

Respectfully,

Emily Brown

Oberweis

2006-01-25T20:27:00.000-08:00

It is finally here...one of the most amazing ice cream/dairy places ever...Oberweis.

If you have never tried it, you might think, "There goes another place like Coldstone." However, you would err in judgment here.

Oberweis has ice cream, yes, but I prefer to think of it as "bliss in a cone/cup/dish" (insert your serving style of choice).
They have Strawberry Milk and Chocolate Milk (both of which taste like shakes instead of just milk). They have cheeses and regular milks and sour cream and ice cream cakes and ice cream sandwiches and sundaes and shakes and frostbites....and more.

Perhaps it is because going to Oberweis reminds me of great long talks at Wheaton with my roomies that I find this place so great. Maybe it's the unparalleled pure taste. Maybe it's the fact that they purchase from family dairy farms. Maybe it's that you can still get your milk in glass jars (delivered to your door, if you like!)...

In any case, I love that they are here in Brookfield. Check them out if you're over by Brookfield Square Mall. The Oberweis is just down the way from the relatively new Starbucks and Carenza Salon, kiddie-corner, (ahem, or as some prefer 'catty-corner') from UNO's.

If I were a cow, I'd want my stuff going to Oberweis.

(Photo taken from www.oberweis.com)

Baby Brown

2006-01-18T20:15:00.000-08:00

Ainzley Andrea Brown

Born January 12th

Isn't she beautiful? I'm so thankful that Brandon and I got the chance to go and see her! Cory and Vicky are going to be fabulous parents, too, by the way.

So precious.

Silence

2006-01-05T07:39:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to go to Sno Rodeo, the winter camp/retreat for the students at Elmbrook. It was amazing to be there, to feel more and more like a part of the community. I definitely had moments of, "What am I doing?"....i.e. dressing up in crazy make-up and pigtails to cheer on my girls on the broomball courts, experiencing the reality of what "trotting" means on a horse (very different feeling on the backside, as compared to walking), and waking up sore because of all of my falls while cross-country skiing.

As much fun as it was, I learned much, as well. One of the ideas that has been mulling around in my head since the retreat, and after reading several blogs about the experience of worship in the Church, is that of silence.

After each music worship set at Sno Rodeo, Brandon would read the following passage about Elijah's encounter with the Lord, and we would all stand in silence:

"The Lord said, 'Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by'. Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper..." --1 Kings 19:11-13

I wonder if my idea of God is big enough to include the acceptance of the fact that His voice may not be as I wish it to be. I want clear directions, dramatic feelings, obvious results.

But, God whispers...the question, then, is more about whether my mind and heart are quieted from their regular routine of worry and doubt and self-questioning enough to make out the sounds.

While I was cross-country skiing that weekend, I found myself ahead of a couple of my friends who were still rounding the curve behind me. I stopped and was stunned, absolutely taken aback by the lack of sound I heard. The beautiful Narnia snow muffled any sound that may have polluted the glorious quiet. And, for the first time in a long, long time, I was able to worship out of a full heart.

No music, no dancing, no reading of Scripture. Just quiet.

Another Ode to the Random

2005-12-23T07:40:00.000-08:00

Inspired by a friend's recent post (thanks, Jer), today's post will feature random tidbits about this past week...the week that feels like it has more packed into it than a week is designed to have...or at least more than my brain is designed to sift through. That said, an ode to the week of December 19th.

-This past weekend, I learned that it is, in fact, possible to play only 1 full game with the Brown family without anything catastrophic occurring (usually, we're at the game table all day!).

-Sunday night, I learned that my navigational skills, combined with my need to talk to my passenger(s) (ahem...Jerica) makes for a journey through the boonies of Racine. Getting to see Katee genuinely surprised by Mark made it worth it, as did seeing her genuine excitement over receiving plantlife ;)

-Monday, I learned that I can be assertive and confident with my staff when I need to confront issues....but, I was also reminded that even my most seemingly gruff employee is capable of having a tender heart.

-Tuesday, I learned, once again, that God has this crazy, beautiful puzzle He's putting together, and I don't understand all of His pieces until I see them fitting side by side. After years at a church where it felt that good news would never come, Brandon is now at a church where he feels daily intoxicated by praise and affirmation. He accepted the Jr. High Pastor position at Elmbrook on Tuesday. I am so in awe of the puzzlemaker.

-Wednesday, I learned that though I may be in the corporate world for a season, I don't think that I am made to stay there. When the V.P. of the company, Director of Operations, and my District Manager show up to a planned visit 4 hours after they were supposed to, waiting to call 3 hours after they were supposed to have been there....yeah, I was a little miffed. Not to mention that after I had spent the last few days making sure the store was clean, set to corporate standards, and worthy of favor, the ONLY thing commented on was, "Oh, by the way, you might want to clean that tabletop." It had, seriously a max of 5 crumbs on it.

-I also learned that day that things like seeing my friend Tory, and crying randomly in front of my staff for no reason are good for my heart.

-Thursday, I learned that I am totally capable of freaking out about non-important things. I also learned that God is doing ministry in the midst of my staff at Caribou on a daily basis....I need to make sure that I am aware of my part in it. In addition, I was again reminded that stressing about 2 employees getting along does little, but praying about it does much.....and God is so much better at reconciliation than I.

-Lastly, I learned that I, Emily Brown, am totally able to surprise my very-hard-to-surprise husband. I finally got to thoroughly surprise him with his Christmas present. I fully acknowledge that this, in fact, be one in a scant few in our lifetime.

Hide

2005-12-05T20:23:00.000-08:00

I wish I could just hide sometimes. Today was one of those days.

Ah, Mondays.

It all started when the alarm went off...apparently the snooze button was hit...thus, I woke up 18 minutes after I was supposed to. If you're anything like me, I like to plan out my prep time without much margin, as to allow the most possible sleep time. Hence, you can imagine what those precious 18 minutes meant.

In my rush to get into the shower, I slipped and seriously bruised my left calf...ouch...it is quite the shiner. But, no time to cry...I was 18 minutes late already.

I got to work fine. Only to drop an entire bottle of chai concentrate on the floor. Yes, my backroom office area now smells of a lovely mulled spice aroma....and, your feet will be guaranteed to stick for days to come.

Our espresso grinder was acting up...again...the repairman had to come. An undoubtedly large bill on my monthly statement.

Then, as I was leaving to go and work out, I realized that I had left my wallet at home this morning. So, no working out at Bally's, no grocery shopping.

Sigh. Sometimes I just want to hide...like a little child, sitting in the corner, covering her eyes. "You can't see me!" she cries, thinking that she is unseen because her world is shadows. I am thankful that not every day is like this. Sometimes, I feel like dancing in the open. Just not today.

But, because of today, I am praying that I will be more aware of those in my path who are crying, "You can't see me!" all the while, wishing desperately that someone who come and seek them out.

Photo taken from www.bitpuddle.com

Sweet Tooth

2005-11-21T15:19:00.000-08:00

Our dog Francis really does exhibit many of the fruits of the Spirit...she is loving, joyful, peaceful (after getting her treat, of course), patient as she waits for Brandon and I to come home, kind, good, definitely faithful, gentle always....but then, we reach self-control.

Oh dear.

Yesterday, Francis displayed her love for chocolate. She definitely consumed a large number of Hershey's Kisses in one sitting. Of course, as any smart, drive-you-crazy dog would, she politely discarded of the wrappers when she was finished.

I'm not kidding.

So, after several trips outside and a visit to the vet, Francis was given the O.K. She and her bloated, drowsy self came home to crash in bed...with puppy eyes that begged, "Do I get a treat, now?

We're working on self-control now...but, I guess I can't blame her. I love chocolate, too.

Birth

2005-11-14T19:42:00.000-08:00

First, before anyone gets too excited, I must clarify that I am not posting this because I am pregnant....I am NOT. I have, however, been thinking about what it must be like lately. It seems that so many people that I know have been or are pregnant.

My sister-in-law visited this past weekend, and I cannot wait for her baby girl to arrive. It is fun to be able to ask her questions about the journey towards motherhood.

2 of Brandon's cousins are pregnant.

One of the youth leaders at church just had her 2nd baby last week. The Senior High Youth Pastor's wife is pregnant, as well.
It seems that pregnant women are everywhere.

But, I am struck, too, with how delicate this whole process is. How beautiful it is to think of a small person developing within the quiet of a womb. How difficult it is to think of what happens when this development is hindered in some way.
My aunt just lost her baby to a miscarriage yesterday morning. This is a pain so deep that words cannot touch it, and I can only imagine what she must be feeling. I know that miscarriages are one of God's ways of taking care to prevent a child from having a horrible malformation or fatal disease. It is still so difficult to fathom how one mourns a child that never saw life at all.

I am excited about the future, and what it may hold for Brandon and I and parenthood. I dream of being a mother...of baby showers, baby clothing, baby booties, baby books, bottles, cries and whimpers, of holding such a precious gift that fits in the space between my elbow and wrist. Yet, I am sobered and quieted by the reality that life is so fragile and that nothing is a guarantee...except God's perfect plan.

Pic from www.pregnancy.about.com

Famine

2005-11-06T17:33:00.000-08:00

Did you know that by the end of today, 29,000 children will die of hunger?

This is a sobering thought, one that I cannot fully get my mind around...a group of children that could almost populate Brookfield dies each day because they do not have enough to eat.

How much do I eat each day? Out of boredom? Because it's there?

This weekend, I had the privilege of participating in the 30-Hour Famine with 110 high school students and 12+ leaders from Elmbrook. The students raised over $11,000 that will go to feed starving children around the world....amazing.
The whole event was an amazing experience. The fasting alone was eye-opening and humbling. As one student said, "I realized that I can survive on a lot less than I think."

We made shanty towns out of cardboard boxes...and we slept outside in them. What an amazing, chilling look into what survival is like for the homeless. When I woke up at 5:15 am, I realized that I was absolutely freezing, from my nose to my toes. What must it be like when it's 0 degrees instead of 40? Without a sleeping bag? Without a warm church to find refuge in?

The next morning, we all split up into various neighborhoods to go door-to-door collecting food for the Waukesha County Food Pantry. We collected over 2,000 items...amazing, again. It was so difficult to look at all of the items we were collecting...all of which were sooo tempting after I'd been fasting for 24 hours. But, again...how much do I really need to survive? I know that so many people around the world live on less than $1 a day...and, undoubtedly, 'fast' for much longer than 30 hours.

Later that afternoon, we all headed down to King Park in Milwaukee to help the Park Deparment with picking up trash and putting mulch around trees. Several students were shocked when they found sheets, blankets, and several cans hanging from a tree....someone lives in that tree.

I am still processing the thoughts I have since finishing the Famine. I am praying that God will give me wisdom to know how I can make a difference in a world where each day means the death of a suburb.

Grandma Helen

2005-10-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

Today marks 4 years since my grandma died. I remember all of the details of the hours leading up to and after her death, and it definitely does not feel like it was that long ago.
I am missing my grandma today. I wish that she could have seen me get married. I wish that she could have known Bryce, my Uncle Ryan and Aunt Stacy's first son. I wish that she could have been here to support my mom through this horrendous journey at Ridgewood. I wish that she could know her first great-grandchildren...whenever they arrive (and, no, I am not pregnant! :)
I miss my grandma.
These are things that make me especially miss my grandma:

*French Braids--Whenever we visited my grandparents, or when they visited us, she always french braided my long hair. I loved how perfectly she braided, so tight...tight enough that when I took the braids out, my hair was gloriously curly for at least 1 day.

*Garage Sales--My grandma was the best garage saler I know. She could find the best treasures...even if she wasn't in her hometown area. She supplied us with so many great clothes...I know that this is one reason that my parents were able to afford other things. Whenever I see garage sale signs in the hot summer months, I think of her.

*Clothes--My grandma used to make me clothes. She made me outfits that I got to choose the designs for. She made beautiful things.

*Cooking--My grandma was an amazing cook. We ate so well when we were at her house. I especially remember her special homemade rolls and the aroma that came wafting upstairs to the playroom in my grandparents' home.

*Card games--My grandma was so cute and so passionate about playing card games. It was so fun to watch her playfully scold my grandpa when he stole her move.

*Her love--My grandma had a quiet, constant love. She shared so much even in patient silence. She always remembered all of our birthdays and other important days. Her regular Saturday morning phone calls reminded us that she was thinking of us.

I am missing her today. I am so thankful that there is so much to miss her for.

(Photo taken from agnews.tamu.edu)

Tag, I'm It

2005-10-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

Yes, I, too, have been tagged to display my top 5 songs. What's the game of Blog Tag, you ask?

THE RULES: List five songs that you are currently loving. It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the songs in your blog. Then tag five other friends to see what they're listening to.

Here they are, in no particular order: (and they fluctuate based on mood and occasion!)

-Yellow by Coldplay
(it's my cell ringer, it makes me happy just hearing the beginning notes)
-Beautiful Day by U2
(no matter where I am, what I'm doing, this song inspires me)
-Don't I Hold You by Wheat
(on the soundtrack for the movie Elizabethtown...yay for iTunes downloads)
-Come and Listen by David Crowder
(from the new CD Collision...a crazy, but fun CD)
-A Beautiful Collision by David Crowder (ditto)

So, now I'm 'It' and get to choose 5 people...except this time, I'm going to change it up a bit (because I don't know if I can tag 5 new, 'untagged' people)...

This time, list 5 places you'd like to spend your weekend. For extra fun, add what you would do if you could be there (or, who you'd bring along).

I tag...

Johanna
Tory
Jerica
Brandon
Vicky

Freezer Burn

2005-10-14T14:18:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been in a state of total numbness? I mean, in a state of total 'numbnity' that only time outside of the freezer brings you to the realization that you were numb?
Within the past few weeks, I have been slowly realizing that I am recovering from freezer burn. This past year has been filled with incredible loss and struggle, none of which I feel that I have adequate answers for. I thought that I was dealing with the pain as it came...and came...and came. But, at some point, I must have subconsciously decided that I was on overload. The pain and confusion were too much. So, I froze. My heart built walls of ice around the pieces that I had no rest for.
Now, if you were to have asked me during this period of freezing if I felt separated from the pain, I would have answered "No, of course not." I cried and yelled much during this time, but not enough. Not enough to deal with the magnitude of what was transpiring.
It is a difficult thing to go through this pain. It is sometimes even more difficult to admit that one is not finished dealing with and processing it. But, here I am. And I feel more whole than I ever have because of this realization.
It's funny how we all do this at one point or another. In the last week, I have had 2 conversations with people who have recently realized their own freezer burn. One of my friends just told me that after realizing that she had built walls for years, she went out and got wasted when she found that she had begun to let those walls down. It is a difficult thing to thaw.
I am thawing, too....slowly, but surely. It is so painful to regain feeling in limbs that had frostbite. But, I will heal, and I will be able to live a warmer, fuller life because of this. In the meantime, I am so thankful for people who have patience with the
puddles forming as the ice melts.

Photo taken from http://www.loc.gov/rr/scitech/mysteries/freezerburn.html

In Her Shoes: A Story of Redemption and Reconciliation

2005-10-08T20:55:00.000-07:00

Brandon and I just went to see the movie In Her Shoes, based on the book by Jennifer Weiner. Some may criticize that this is a chick flick through and through. However, it is a great look at the webs we weave as we are hurt and, in turn, hurt others. It is a look at the journey to forgiveness and new beginnings.

I remember being in my Communication and Conflict class last Fall and studying forgiveness. It is amazing that no matter what one's religion or place in life, forgiveness is something that truly resonates with all. We are broken...confused...make mistakes that affect ourselves and others. Perhaps this is what makes the idea of Christ on the cross so amazing and a story that hits somewhere in the depths of the soul where the fear of being punished meets the grace of forgiveness.

So, go and see the movie, if you'd like. It's definitely not flawless. But, it is a great reminder of how truly good grace and forgiveness are.

The Happiness Business

2005-10-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about my job today (on my day off, shame on me!). I am a Store Manager for Caribou Coffee, and I love it. Last week, I spent a few days in Minneapolis with 400 other Caribou managers, guzzling coffee and information at unhealthy rates. One of the most inspiring things that I took away from the Conference was our dedication to quality products and quality care for those that provide it for us. Caribou has recently joined the Rainforest Alliance, an organization dedicated to taking care of environmental, social, and economic needs in the areas of production. Because of our membership in this organization, along with an overall commitment to taking care of instead of exploiting the farmers in Costa Rica, Kenya, Indonesia, etc., farmers have been able to build new homes, schools for their children, and medical care facilities for all. 'Grounds for Health' is the name of another organization that we are involved with. We heard the story of how women in Latin America die every day from untreated, undetected cervical cancer. This program allows for free screenings for women. One woman who was already 7 months pregnant walked a day and a half to find out whether or not she had cancer.

Now, before you think that Caribou is paying me to advertise on my blog, let me say that though these things are awesome, and I am so inspired that Caribou is dedicated to giving back to the community, I often struggle with my life in retail land. Yesterday was 'Dine for America' day...a day when restaurants all across America came together to donate profits to the American Red Cross for Hurricane Relief. Caribou did participate in this, giving up to $25,000.
This is awesome, don't get me wrong, but I was struck last night with the contradiction this represents.

I work to sell overpriced stimulants and bad-for-you muffins and cookies that do not encourage health. I work in the happiness business...'Give me my coffee, give me a cool new mug, and a cookie, and all is well.' I am a consumer of this happiness, as well, so I can do little to criticize. It is difficult, though, to reconcile the needs of this world and what I am personally doing to meet them. I sell things that are...well, things, and I encourage others to buy more. I am compensated accordingly.

So, I am not sure what all of this means. I am struck with the idea that the Holiday season is coming, and I will be encouraging people to buy even more things. I will buy more things. And then I will buy even more things when I realize that my list of people to buy gifts for has grown. In the midst, I will be participating in the 30-hr. Famine, a time to raise money for children who are starving around the world. And then, I will go to work the next day and say, "Would you like a Chocolate Caramel Truffle Muffin with that Mocha today?"

God, give me wisdom to know what I can do to really meet the needs of the those around me.

Rain Women

2005-09-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

Photo by Ian Britton

There is something about rain that is just so simply wonderful that I cannot fully grasp the beauty it holds. It cleanses and calms. It subdues. It seems to say, "Just breathe for awhile". Yesterday, my sister and I danced in the beads of water as they poured onto my parents' driveway. It was a wonderfully spontaneous thing to do. We grabbed garbage bags (as if they might really shield us from the downpour!), and danced. We jumped in puddles and laughed as the pizza man delivered our lunch with a smile at our silliness. The thunder was our soundtrack, and it alone seemed to motivate me to keep living, keep breathing.

A beginning sketch

2005-09-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I have officially done it...I have entered into the conversation of life online through blogging. I cannot promise to be either profound or precise. However, I will be honest and hope to chew on the intricacies of the day-to-day in a new way. So, welcome, all! Welcome to my gallery.